Tag: What not to watch

Immaculate

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https://www.imdb.com/

Rating: 2 stars out of 5
Starring: Sydney Sweeney, Álvaro Morte, Simona Tabasco, Dora Romano
Where to watch: Amazon Prime Video
To watch or not to watch: No, for the love of God, no

The opening foreshadowing shot shows a nun sneaking out from a convent in the middle of the night, and running away from that place, only to be caught by a group of nuns at the gates and her legs broken.
Cut to: Sister Cecilia (Sydney Sweeney) is a novice who has moved to a convent in Italy from a small town in The USA at the behest of Father Tedeschi (Álvaro Morte). Her belief in Christianity began at a young age when she was rescued from a frozen lake and died for 7 minutes. This rescue was understandably covered in news and got a bit of virality. And her faith and fate sealed for Christianity. At the convent, she goes about her life normally, making friends and trying to do good, but she also has glimpses of something sinister going on, and it involves the higher-ups (because, of course).

Have you seen Rosemary’s Baby? Yes? Then you have watched this film. Goodbye and good night.
If you haven’t, then watch that rather than this. This movie is the rehashing of same old faith vs fanaticism, where good Christian women are used and abused, and for some reason virginity and purity are equated and highly revered. While this genre of movies is supposed to use the concept of objectification of women as a source of horror, they at the same time unironically do the same thing. In this case for example, Sydney Sweeney regularly received comments about her good looks, is shown bathing with the fellow nuns, etc. “You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become a villain”.
If that was not enough, they have eerie shadows, abruptly cut scenes, and mockery of science (which is the biggest sin of all). Can we please collectively as a society decide we don’t want to weaponise nor demonise religion anymore? Thank you.

The only reason this movie is not a hot pile of stinking garbage is the lead, Sydney Sweeney. She has single-handedly carried the story, to the point where it became apparent she was trying antics to fill the spaces. There are too many scenes filled with screams, needless to say, unwarranted. She was carrying on the movie so she was over-doing things. Sad but forgivable. There is nothing particularly horrifying in this movie, and nothing we haven’t seen before. It takes a different path from Rosemary’s Baby but it is not impactful enough that it redeems itself, because by that time we have waded through a lot of scene-there-heard-that. Its 1.5 hour runtime feels at least twice as long, and it is no wonder it has a current rating of 2.9 on Google and that tells you everything you need to know. Don’t listen to anyone who says it is good, because it is not. Don’t bother.

Inside Man – a study on wasting good actors with bad writing

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https://m.imdb.com/

Rating: 2 stars out of 5
Starring: David Tennant, Stanley Tucci
Where to watch: Netflix
Seasons and episodes: 1 season, 4 episodes, 1 hour per episode
To watch or not to watch: Please skip this despite the stellar cast

The series opens with Jefferson Grieff (Stanley Tucci) in a prison cell helping someone solve a murder. He is a former American law professor convicted of murdering his wife, to which he confessed and is haunted by his act. In the parallel, there is Harry Watling (David Tennant) who is a vicar in a small town in England. He has a troubled parishioner Edgar who lives with his verbally abusive mother. Edgar hands a memory stick to Harry to safe keep, away from his mother. Harry picks up his son’s maths tutor Janice Fife (Dolly Wells), reaches home and deposits his keys and memory stick in a bowl at the entrance. Harry’s son Ben (Louis Oliver) gives the stick to Janice to transfer some material. Janice pokes her nose into what is stored on the drive to find child p*rn, and thinks Harry is a pedophile. This leads to a lot of misunderstandings, and a comedy of errors.

If they had made the series into a real comedy instead of whatever it was, it would have gone down better with the audience. From the opening scene with Tucci’s Hannibal-esque Grieff acting as a consultant because somehow he is a criminal mastermind to the taking of memory stick home, when it was equally safe in the church is farcical. Ben tries to save his father by declaring ownership of the offending memory stick, but the father is digging a deeper hole for himself. Maths tuition and all is fine, but maybe a cognitive understanding class was more needed in this household. There was no confusion which couldn’t be solved by a simple conversation with Janice, which would have taken barely 5 sentences and need not involve Edgar’s identity. Instead, Janice is locked in the basement, she is a believer in making a bad situation worse, by the way (maybe she also needs lessons in cognitive understanding), Tucci is doing something, which has nothing to do with anyone or anything but still features in the series, and there is a reporter investigating Janice’s disappearance? SOS, brain not computing.

Netflix, my dear Netflix, what is wrong hun? All ok? Childhood trauma working overtime? Why take the stellar cast, drive up your production cost and not have someone go through the script once? How did you even get Tucci and Tennant to sign up? Are you blackmailing them? Ok, apologies, got carried away for a bit there, but then the series is unbelievably bad. And the actors did a fantastic job. So much so that a case can be made that Janice was the real villain (and if you go by some of the reviews online, many writers have the same opinion), such is the residual emotion for her character. Listen, the premise is great, and with good writing, it might even make for a beautiful thriller. But working with what was given to us, unfortunately it makes for a horrible horrible play, which cannot be saved by acting alone. Please do better.